I have failed myself. I have failed myself in a most heinous manner: I have lied to myself, lied repeatedly, unceasingly, lied without guilt or shame. Without reservations whatsoever. I am a dishonest man, a fact that should be tattooed on my forehead, and made known to my friends, relatives, and acquaintances. And everyone willing to see. I am a dishonest man. I am a dishonest man. I am a dishonest man.
I have failed myself. I have
failed to live up to my own expectations of myself. And since my expectations
were many, I have failed myself many times, too many times. I have failed
myself too many times. Today, more than ever, I have to accept the reality of
my failure. And I have to face the consequences of my acceptance. Today I have
to begin my journey again, to find out who I am again, to accept who I am
again. And if I should fail again, this time, I will have to die. I will have
to put an end to my insignificant life.
I have failed myself. I have
allowed myself to lose all certainties with a flicker of an eye. I have nothing
left now but doubts. And lies. With no hope of ever finding a truth. Not a
single, isolated truth. Not even a popular truth. I am a hopeless man. I am a
hopeless man. A rootless man. I have no home. I have no mate. I nurse no one,
and nothing, but my own concerns. Concerns over my continued
alienation...isolation. I am a pitiful man. A pitiful man. I have failed myself.
I am a pitiful man. I have failed
myself. I am a despondent man. I have failed myself. I believe in nothing, and
no one, not even myself anymore. Neither can I inspire anyone to believe in me,
anymore. I am a desolate man. A desolate man. An abandoned man. I have failed
myself. So utterly. I have failed myself. I have allowed myself to be
forgotten. I am a forgotten man.
I am a forgotten man. A forgotten
man. I have allowed myself to be neglected. I have allowed myself to be shoved
into a dark corner. To be imprisoned. Imprisoned. Daunted by my own fears.
Fears of mediocrity. Loss. Failure. Failure. I have failed myself. For fear
of failure, I have failed myself. Failed
myself. So utterly, I have failed myself.